The things they never tell you....

Okay, permit me to take permission to be a little unconventional but this list is not something you’ll usually see. Before you jump to conclusions, please hear me out and read carefully. That said, I’m NOT a relationship expert and this is by no means a reflection of my general views on relationships – just a few things we need to be aware of sometimes. My introduction is getting too long now ... Chai! Oya let’s begin …

1) WHEN YOU ARE IN, ITS NOT FORBIDDEN TO LEAVE
Yes you heard me right! It’s okay for the relationship to end. If it’s literally NOT working, don’t force it to work. Notice that I didn’t say, don’t try to make it work. I just mean that after all your trying if it’s still not working. then let go – for your emotional health and sometimes even physical health. Try as much as possible to draw the line between giving up and moving on – You can get an older experienced and successful couple to mentor you in this area.

2) YOUR LIFE IS STILL YOUR OWN
Your life does NOT revolve around this person. Your goals, your dreams are still yours – don’t put your life on hold for a boyfriend or girlfriend – make sure whatever you decide to do is because you want to do it – not because they told you to. You’re not married yet, you’re still allowed to think of yourself.

3) A LIFE OUTSIDE YOUR LOVE BUBBLE IS ESSENTIAL
You need to talk to your friends and have a social life outside your relationship. Your life cannot begin and end with this person because even if this person is your forever, you would sometimes need a breather – some time for you so you don’t lose your identity. The thing is when you lose your identity, three things tend to happen:

• The person you’re with may get bored because you’re not the person they met – your drive, your purpose and what makes you ‘’You’’!
• You might get frustrated with yourself and project on the person you’re with mostly because you don’t have something to do for you.
• One or both of the above usually lead(s) to increased tension, frequent arguments and maybe eventually end the relationship

4) YOU ARE NOT MARRIED UNTIL ‘’I DO’’
Don’t act like it! Don’t do things only married couples will do – and yes I mean sex. But apart from that – don’t move in and start acting like his wife. Don’t be dropping weekly upkeep money like she’s managing your house. Don’t begin your day at his house and end it there because you want to cook and clean and do his laundry. Don’t DO until I DO!!!

5) LOVE IS A SMALL PART OF THE EQUATION
‘Do you love me?’ This is the age long question that seems to be the basis for relationships but what about times that we’re not in love? What about times when the other party ticks you off so much so that it’s taking all your self control to ‘submit and respect’ or to ‘love’?
Why is it in this day and age of ‘love’ marriages that we have a higher rate of divorces? Our grandparents and some of our parents may have had arranged marriages and these lasted longer, why? I believe it’s because ‘love’ isn’t a major relationship ingredient. There’s tolerance, there’s understanding, there’s communication, there’s friendship and lots more but just know that Í love you’ just isn’t enough.

That’s all I have for now, again I’m not being negative – these are just some things I think we never hear about relationships. We know love and companionship can be blissful but relationships need work too.
Still, don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing!!!

God's Girl