How far is too far?

Hello everyone. Hope you are having a great week.
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That said,

Welcome to the month of August!

I was talking to a few people the other day and this topic came up. I know it has been hammered on over and over again about boundaries during dating - sorry courtship (I read or heard somewhere that Christians don’t date. They court *lips sealed*).
Anyway, the ultimate NO SEX hurdle is clearly not to be crossed but then Christians always shy away from the 'How far is too far' question so along life's way I've learnt a few things. If you’re married, don’t run off just yet. Read to the end and let us single people know what’s up – You never know who needs the tip!

Okay back to the matter. I’ve had friends who say they don’t want to marry ‘church girls’ because they would get bored in their marriages. I mean FOREVER is a VERY LONG TIME!!! Yet they want that woman that they know can keep their homes in order because she’s praying even when they are not. (You had better pray too or else we sef we no dey marry -_-). This eventually leads to some of them ‘dating’ the ‘world girls’ and marrying the ‘church girls’ while others find out that ‘world girls’ are not that bad – At least they go to church.

Disclaimer:

This categorization is just for emphasis. There are no particular characteristics linked to them.

Every female at a certain point in her life craves male attention, the question now is WHERE and WHEN to draw the line! This has led to the birth of the Technical Virgin. The technical virgin is someone who believes in abstinence but allows loopholes in their physical relationships. I remember reading a book with this title a long while back. My question now is who is a virgin really? Is it okay to do everything but sex? Is it staying away from kissing? Does masturbation count? What is virginity really?

Well, the dictionary with me at the moment defines it as not having had sexual intercourse, innocent, pure, chaste, unsullied, untouched and new. I'm pretty sure some of us are cringing right now with those definitions and asking yourselves 'Am I/Was I really a virgin?'

Before you go all Christian ninja on me, I’m not saying go have sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry or feel free to have kids with Jane, Nina and Terry before you're married but all I’m saying is YOU draw your boundaries. Christ says sexual intercourse is not just physical, it’s mental first. So whatever makes you go to that place mentally, stay away.

'but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.'

Matthew 5:28

Some of us actually like to tempt temptation - If kissing your fiancé is fine for you, then who am I to stop you. On the other hand, if a hug is too much, please don’t hug. Your standard is Christ not the couple next to you!

Consider your partner as well biko. You can’t be comfortable alone. It’s a two way street. Someone told me that I should not worry about him and girls because he knows his limit. What if one day she doesn't care about your limit anymore? More often than not, if the girl really wants to DO, it’s only God that can give you limit once you start!

Remember one of the secrets to a successful relationship is compromise. The first is God as the foundation - Don't forget that! Don’t cause your partner to sin or God would hold you responsible.

Ghen Ghen!!!

Don't get it twisted virginity is NOT purity! Still I wonder how you keep things spicy in a relationship since it seems like there are so many rules, and make that someone feel they are special.

We'll do that another time but for now, What do you think?

God’s Girl

July Quiz

How was your weekend? I savoured mine like a baby.

In my office, we have a chapel where we do morning devotion every day before we commence on any other business of the day. My MD is a Christian who believes strongly in the mighty works of the Holy Spirit. Because a larger number of us are singles, he would always raise a prayer point that we marry into God’s purpose in our lives. Recently, he advocated for a 45-mins singles meeting every Friday morning where we can learn more of God’s word concerning marriage and prescribed books we should read for same purpose.

Last Friday, we looked at the expectations/roles of a man and a woman in marriages using Ephesians 5: 21 – 33 as a case study. From verse 21, we observe that Apostle Paul was likening the love of a man for his wife to that of Christ for the Church (even to the point of giving his life for her) and how a woman should be subject/submissive to her husband like the church is to Christ. Our first understanding of this passage is that, a man or woman who does not know the relationship between the Church and Christ cannot walk in this wisdom. The trouble came when we buttressed on what limit a man can go for his wife because, apparently, there was no man in the room who was willing to give his life for his wife…except me shaJ (did I just hear you say: “Na lie!!!”…hahaha). A colleague said: Omo leave that thing… I have to save myself first o!

The meeting was getting too rowdy, until we settled scores with verse 32 of the same chapter, where Paul admitted that what he spoke concerning the love of Christ and the Church is a Mystery. And in verse 33: Nevertheless, Man, love your wife as yourself and woman reverence your husband. This conclusion brings us to the quiz for July and the questions are as follows:

1. How would you compare the Love of Christ for the Church to the Love of man for himself? If there is, which is stronger?

2. For a man to love his wife as himself or as Christ love the Church which is easier? Which is better, which one can you do?

3. A wanna-be couple were planning their upcoming wedding event together in a restaurant when they heard gun shots in the air. In a wink of an eye, the man had disappeared into thin airJ. After the robbers had gone, the guy came out of his hiding and started to look for his fiancé till he found her in her hiding place. If you where the man what would you have done when you heard the gun shot? If you were the woman, what would you do or say after your would-be husband had abandoned you for safety in such a scenario?

4. A newly wedded couple was having a challenge. They had earlier planned that they would spend Christmas in the husband’s family home. A few months before Christmas, the woman’s family invited the same couple for a very important event same time, at the woman’s family home which the couples shouldn’t miss. Now both the parents of the bride and the groom are waiting for the couples in their respective homes. The woman wants them to go to her parents while the man wants them to go to his parent’s. What would you do? Where will you spend Christmas?

The above quizzes are true life scenarios. Let’s hear your responses to the above-listed scenarios by posting your comments either anonymously or with your name.

Bring it ON!

Frank Oje
President, Foresight NEBC