Tuesday, September 22, 2015

To marry or not to marry

Hello people of God,

This is a reply to our last post. If you haven’t read it yet, you should hold on and click here to read first.

Is it okay to marry a Muslim?

This question sparked a stream of conversation from those who saw reason with people that might consider it to those who were outrightly against it. Where do you stand? This is what God says:

'Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?'
                                                                                                                                                2 Cor 6:14

Well, the bible clearly says no but what if he/she treats you better than that Christian Brother or sister?  We need to come to understand the fact that we are not marrying religion but character. Hold up! This doesn’t mean I’m endorsing it – Just read to the end.

Let's face reality though - as guys, you want to be respected and as ladies you want to be loved first of all. This is usually the first thing you get attracted to in a person of the opposite sex. There are specific qualities you admire as an individual and these also fuel the attraction usually before you get to the 'religion' base. There are certain 'Christians' who are monsters so to speak but hide under the cover of that title. One thing we should understand is that just because the other person is Christian doesn't give them access to your mind based on the Jesus connection. You still need to talk, let them know how you feel tell them what you think is okay and what isn't because lack of communication is one major cause of failed relationships. It seems easier to communicate with someone of a different background or faith because we actually take time out to explain certain things to them that we assume 'same faith partners' know.

Back to the issue, is it okay since we're talking about character here? I have just three things to say.

1.       You're not just marrying the man, you're marrying his family
The thing most single people fail to realize is that marriage is not just you and him or you and her. As much as you are on your own, we are in Africa. The extended family is a big part of marriage therefore their opinions about you matter to a large extent. This is not to say that they would form the basis of your decisions but I like to say that forever is a VERY LONG time so you don't want to get on their bad side if it can be avoided.

2.       You need to have the same basic value system with your spouse
Raising kids in this day and age is tough enough without the parents having extreme opinions about basic things. The couple needs to have one stand on a lot of issues and if the core of your value system is Christianity then you can't have the same value system. There's that tendency to water the truths of scripture, which you believe, down just so you won't offend them. Where does that leave your kids? The differences can even become a hindrance in your personal walk with Christ. God has chosen you for a reason. Are you going to be able to fulfill it?

Gen 18:19
''For I have chosen (you), so that (you) will direct (your) children and (your) household after (you) to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for (you) what he has promised (you)."

3.       You need to redefine character
Character is the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. As wholesome as this sounds, there is something missing - not to go all spiritual on you but the God in you isn't the god in them. A Muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian woman because as the head of the home, he decides how the children are raised and you generally can't shake his faith but a Muslim lady can't marry a Christian guy for about the same reasons - that's raising another generation without Christ. The Jesus in them factor is very crucial to developing character. Character is built based on background and circumstances but what if the situation changed, would his/her character change?


At this point, some might say 'I'm not marrying her/him, we're just dating', and my question is 'To what end'? You're compounding your problems because when you eventually start dating that good Christian girl and there's something the Muslim did that she didn't do, then you have a basis for comparison. It's not like she's not treating you right but as much as she makes up in other areas, there's that one thing she doesn't do! Don't worry about time - that's the issue most Christian girls (or generally African females) are faced with when it comes to marriage. This brings me to 'Are Christians allowed to date?', but we would tackle that in another post.

On a lighter and slightly related note, everyone should see the movie 'Too Saved'.

In conclusion, prepare to be the right person first - It's easier to find the right person that way because unlike the laws of nature - Like poles CAN attract.

What do you think?

P.S. The retreat starts on Wednesday. Singles mingle, Couples double – No be me talk am oh. Na so dem advertise for church *wink* Anyway if you haven’t paid, PAY TODAY oh!!! I decided to post this today so I can pack tomorrow :D

See you there!

God's Girl.

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